There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
50% drunk capacity currently
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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