If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
