Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
