went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
