I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Panties = found
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
