Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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