Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
