They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We smell like vodka and hangover
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