This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
