when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
