I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
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