i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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