Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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