There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
