im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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