Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
