True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
don't judge my taste in strippers
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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