AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
