she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Randomize
