Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
not ubering you a puppy
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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