just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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