I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
