someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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