Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
