My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I forget how to act sober
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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