babies were throwing up all over the place
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
