you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
