1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
