How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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