so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
