yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
