are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
