dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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