Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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