so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
