You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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