you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
