So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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