I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
COCAINE IS GR8
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
