she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
