He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
