How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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