Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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