She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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