why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
