I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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