I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
