So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
