you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
