Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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