if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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