She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
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I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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