What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
