woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize