Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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