I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
