if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i want to swaddle you in tequila
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
